ANTHONY GLASSMAN
November 29, 2002
GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 15
There is more to 'safer sex' than physical intimacy
by Louis Farmer
Many people believe that discussing safer sex is embarrassing and time consuming. The other standpoint is that discussing safer sex as often as possible betters one's chances of not being exposed to or transmitting a STD. Yet few realize that safer sex doesn't
are worthy of respect.
Before AIDS, safer sex was never promoted at the level it is today. Today the emphasis is making sex hot and fun-but always safe. What many organizations and instructors fail to realize is that there is a need to help people see if they should change or modify their behavior. Substance abuse, self-
esteem issues and peer pressure all have an effect on whether someone decides to use a condom--and those issues need to be addressed just as well.
'Creativity shouldn't be limited to the bedroom; expand your mind as well as
your organ.'
Many people are not comfortable discussing personal things with a sexual partner, yet physical intimacy is the most personal thing one can do. When the sexual act is long gone, for many the mental and emotional state stirs up ongoing issues. Guilt, fear, remorse, and anger can arise from a sexual act that occurred hours, weeks, or even years ago. If those issues aren't addressed, the same behavior could occur again and again.
Louis Farmer
begin with the sexual act itself. Sexual behavior, choice of partners, personal beliefs, religion and environment àll influence whether or not someone chooses to participate in safer sex.
Think about it: before engaging in sex, your mind passes through a thought process. There is the decision whether or not to have sex with the individual in question. Therefore, it is safe to assume that sex is heavily influenced by the mind. In some situations, people use sex as a means of escaping from reality. Others see sex as a way to prove their love to a partner. Sometimes sex is used as a form of punishment or a reward. And of course, sex is even used as a way to hide one's sexual orientation.
Exposure to sexually transmitted diseases is definitely a reason to practice safer sex, but it shouldn't be the only reason. Protecting and respecting one's mind, emotions and spirit is just as important. Even people living with HIV and AIDS need to understand that their lives still have meaning and that they
Many people know how to use a condom but are incapable of discussing feelings with their sexual partner. What can result are two people in bed having different opinions on the definitions of love, commitment and casual sex.
For instance, some people believe that if a sexual partner from a one-night stand gives them a phone number then there is a chance for a relationship, whereas to someone else it may simply mean that "the sex was good and let's do it again" with no strings attached. Some see sex as the only means of socializing with a friend or the only thing they have in common. It is important to understand that sex always encompasses emotions, whether it is anger, joy, revenge, or love. The participants should be able to handle the aftermath.
The term "making love" has always been associated with sex. However, that definition is limiting and unfair. Exchanging feelings can be just as erotic as exchanging fluids. Cooking dinner for a loved one, read-
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ing a book and discussing the contents with your partner, walking together in the park, and dedicating a song are ways of having safe sex where no one gets hurt or misinterprets intentions. Want to turn your partner on in a way he or she has never been? Make a special tape of love songs and have them play it when you aren't around. Creativity shouldn't be limited to the bedroom; expand your mind as well as your organ.
People living with HIV have the right to make sexual decisions. Whether it means breaking up with a partner or having a new relationship, do it and don't settle. Far too many people living with AIDS and HIV feel they have limited choices. As a person living
with AIDS, I know what it's like to think your life is over or to believe that no one cares about you.
There is life and sex after an AIDS diagnosis. The need to be touched, kissed, caressed, and sexually fulfilled is just as important to people living with the virus. In certain instances a hug will not only boost morale but also T-cells! Keep in mind that safer sex is a universal issue regardless of ones color, sexual orientation, or HIV status.
Louis Farmer, MSW, is the coordinator of the Positively Sexual program of the AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland.
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